Defining Love and Family

I feel compelled to write a blog about this. I had my friends round my house for a couple of drinks, when I say a couple by this point I had almost polished off two bottles of wine, and we started on a discussion about love and family! Different dictionary definitions and our own personal definitions on the ideas of love and family! We seem to disagree on what family and love means. Everyone has different definitions and this is what we use to define ourselves and our belief systems. I may be drunk, but I do have to write this down before I forget about this and it is completely erased from my memory.

I would consider family to be my mum, sister, brother, my nieces and my mum’s side of the family as they are the only people who I get to speak to on a regular basis. I haven't considered my father as family in over five years since we stopped talking. I wouldn't consider my father and his side of the family as family, because I don’t know them a well as my mum’s family, but others would as they talk to their fathers, and their fathers still play vital roles in their lives. We were also pondering the idea of being in love, but also when you consider your other-half’s family as family yourself. My friend Chris would have considered himself as part of his girlfriend’s family before he even decided to get engaged to her. My other friend Rachael, who hasn't been with her boyfriend Mark for as long would not consider his family as her family  until she got married to him, because without that bit of paper there is nothing tying her to his  family in any permanent/tangible way.

The same goes for love. I'm not in love with my friends, but sometimes I do feel that the word love is used so easily. I love my family, but that is a totally different kind of love from the love I have for my friends, and it would be a different kind of love again from when I fall ‘in love’. I would not use the words ‘in love’ until I actually have the feelings that I'm in love with someone, but I would say that I love my friends but I'm not ‘in love’ with my friends, and who would know that ‘in’ word would change the definition of the word love so certainly and so completely. The way we use words is as important as one insignificant word can change the meaning of our sentence so completely. 

A blog about Confidence

I was reading my Auntie Nicola’s blog the other day, where she was talking about corsets and how good it made her feel to wear one, and how people wouldn't like it if she posted a picture of herself in a corset, because some may see that as degrading. I say hey fair play to her for actually posting the picture of herself on her blog for all to see, for me that is true confidence. To put yourself out there on the Internet for others to judge you without truly caring what people actually think of you, I honestly think is brilliant.

I guess the equivalent for me would be to post a picture of myself in my boxers, but I can promise you this simply wouldn’t happen. I do hope that maybe one day I would feel comfortable to do this, not so that other people could look at it and think I was hot, although I’m not saying that wouldn’t be nice, but just to say I’ve had the confidence to do it and hell yeah I look good.

Now I have probably already explored my wavering confidence levels in this blog, but I always believed it was because I was fat that my confidence was low. Now I have started to believe I was fat because, quite simply, I wanted to be fat. I could have put the fork down at any time, I could have eaten better and done things like eaten an apple instead of a bag of chocolates. The same is true of how I lost weight. I lost over four stone because I wanted to. I did it on my own terms, and I did it for myself and not for someone else. If you are doing it for someone else the likelihood is that you will fail because you have no drive to do it for yourself, and without the drive what is the point? You have to commit yourself to a complete lifestyle change and not just a crash diet or something similar, as the moment you come off that diet and start eating the same way you did before the crash diet the likelihood is you will put on all the weight you have worked so hard to lose,  and all the effort you put in would just be wasted.

Don't call me normal.

If there is a word that annoys me more than any other word it has to be the word ‘normal’. Nothing is normal these days and nor should any of us strive to be described of as normal. Describe me as normal and I would consider it an insult. Normality is such an irrelevant term these days as everyone is different; everyone has their own likes and dislikes, sets of beliefs etc. What is normal for me may not necessarily be normal for you, and that's ok because I'm me and you're you so of course we are going to be different.

It's this struggle to be normal and anything viewed as not normal makes us angry and I believe this is where most bigotry and hatred springs from. We are scared of what is different, but the differences between us are surely what make living so brilliant! It is our unwillingness to accept what is different that makes many of us clash and from which hatred breeds. If we were all just willing to accept each others’ differences and even try to understand them would the world not be a more peaceful place? The differences between belief systems are what has sparked many civil and World wars, and on a personal level,what got me bullied at school was being different. I was in no sense of the word a ‘boy’. I didn’t do sport, I wasn’t that macho and most of my friends were girls instead of boys. I also think it was the unwillingness to accept my own difference that made others not accept the differences they so obviously saw in me, which led other kids to bully me. If I had the strength to accept the differences about myself and was a lot more proud of who I was at the time the bullies would have had nothing to use against me to hurt me and would have moved onto someone else.

I don't want to be friends with me. Yes I'd be an amazing friend to myself and we'd have loads in common but I would never challenge myself or be open to other opinions or have my opinions challenged by others. I need difference to survive, to grow and to create. 

Frustration

I have mentioned before that I am frustrated with my job as a minimum wage employee of a cinema chain, but after letting that frustration get the better of me yesterday, I ended up having a massive rant to one of the team leaders that was on shift with me. She simply told me that my frustration at the job was actually a good thing and instead of using that frustration to just simply be angry at things I can't change I should be using that frustration as the driving force to make my life better and to put things into motion for me to make my life go in the direction I want it to. She reminded me that while there are worse jobs that I could be doing there are also a lot better jobs out there where I would be appreciated and where I would be happy.

True, I have no idea what this is at the moment, but I am starting to think that there are people in worse positions then I am. There are people with truly no direction in life or who are quite simply unemployed and desperate for work. I should be glad that I have a job that if in no other way is a tether to the entertainment industry, an industry I am desperate to crack. As to what I want to go into within the entertainment industry I don’t know as yet, but I do think that it’s definitely an industry I want to get into. I have no desire to be on stage or indeed in front of a camera as firstly I may suffer a little stage fright and I honestly do not know how people ever watch themselves on screen without constantly cringing. You always look different on camera. I honestly think the camera is a harsh mistress who picks on and shines a light on any flaw you have, but I guess this is also why make-up artists and similar are such an important part of movie sets, so they can cover up all your blemishes and flaws to make artists positively sparkle in front of a camera, but this is still not for me. I think I would be happy behind the scenes in some sort of production/assistant capacity. I enjoy organisation and honestly think that when I see it on television programmes where they have an assistant who tells people where they have to be and when etc that I could definitely start there.  

Being a little bit selfish

I was watching the film ”The Devil Wears Prada” with my housemate over a couple bottles of wine, and there is this point in the film that really resonated with me. Anne Hathaway chose to go to Paris over the other assistant, played by Emily Blunt, who was meant to go.  It made me wonder if I would take an opportunity over a friend/colleague who was expecting to be chosen for it, and the only answer I could come up with at the time was yes, yes I would. I would be very sorry for my friend who didn't get the opportunity, and who would probably resent me for it for years to come, but if it gave me a chance to fulfil my dream and  to move forward in what I wanted to do why wouldn't I take the opportunity? I’d hope that my friend would forgive me in time, that they would understand that it's what I needed to do to further my career, and if they didn’t I guess I would have to ask whether we were ever really friends at all. I know that this make me sound a little bit mean, but I am in that place at the moment where any opportunity I may be invited to join, I'm pretty much going to take it no matter who I am likely to step on in the process, because it's time to start thinking about what I want to do in my life before my time has well and truly passed me by and I am truly stuck in a rut. I know it’s a rut of my own making, but maybe it’s time that I did think about me and what I want for a change, and to do that don’t I just need to be that little bit selfish and take that opportunity away from you? 

What makes you stand out from a crowd?

Me and a friend were talking about this at another friend's house party when we were discussing applying for jobs and trying to get opportunities. People employ you for who you are just as much as they employ you for your educational background and your skill set. Your personality plays a huge part in why you get the job. So what is it that quintessentially makes you you? What sells you to other people? What is the unique selling point that is going to make you stand out in an interview against the hundred other people that they may have interviewed that day?

So, I pondered for a while, what makes me me and there were so many things that make up who I am as there is with everyone else, but I am unsure as to which of these would make me stand out to a potential employer, and make them want to employ me above anyone else. I guess this is going to take some more pondering, but I am willing to figure this out and use it to drive my career forward.

The importance of friends

 I forget how important friends can be. I ended up going out with a friend, who I used to work with, who now lives in London. Forgetting she works for a production company, I never even considered using her as a point of contact to get some experience in an industry I really would like to get into. So we got round to catching up the other night at the Apple Cider Boat in Bristol, and eventually got round to discussing her job. She is what is known as a runner, so basically she gets tea and coffee etc for people, but according to her that is how everyone starts and at least it would be a start. Anyway, she said that I should send her my cv and she would then send it on to other people in her company, and try to get me some work experience, which would be awesome as her company works on the likes of TOWIE and The Apprentice. It's a foot in the door, so to speak, and a start for me, which is what I have been striving for. It's not much, but it is a start, so I'm happy. 

How do you meet people?

 How do you meet new people when your social circle is so close-knit that you don't really know how to meet people. I would say that I'm a pretty social person or at least would like to think that I am, and would like to think that I have the ability to make friends and meet new people pretty easily, but the only new people I am ever really introduced to is when new people start at work. 

So, my social circle pretty much consists of people that I meet at work. I work with these people and I go out with people from work, and if I do anything outside of work it's with people from work, which can sometimes make it feel hard to meet new people who aren't from work and can make it pretty scary to even consider leaving your job,because of concerns that your social circle is going to crumble if you don't see the same people everyday. It's nice to like the people that you work with, and honestly they are a great group of people to work with and hang out with. If they weren't I wouldn't hang out with them half as much as I do, because I just wouldn't bother with people I didn't like unless I absolutely had to or it was for work reasons, because then I am able to muster up a professional courtesy towards people. So, it feels really hard to meet new people and make contacts in life, but how do I changethis? I should take the opportunity to get new hobbies, go to things I'm invited to even if I'm the only on invited, and make an effort to speak to people. I guess you never know who you are going to meet if only you are willing to take the chance.

Red Lights: A Review

Without turning my blog into a film critique blog, as there are many out there who do it a lot better then me, and are probably more qualified to do it than I am, I do enjoy updating you about films I have watched and films I would recommend to you. I have a problem at the cinema that I can make any film sound shit. Honestly, I have a habit of making any film sound like something I don't want to watch, but I'm much better at expressing my thoughts on those films when I have time to write about them.

So, 'Red Lights' for anyone who doesn't know, is basically about two doctoral students trying to disprove the existence of paranormal events. They refer to themselves as professional sceptics in the film. 


Now this film has some brilliant players in the form of Robert de Niro, Sigourney Weaver and one of my favourite actors Cillian Murphy. They all give excellent performances, which makes for a really interesting film. 


In my opinion, Cillian Murphy gave one of the best performances in the film, but I don't feel that I could give a description of why without giving away the plot.
Some people came away from this film saying it was crap, and I can sort of see why, but for me it was really interesting and visually was actually quite stunning. Some of the effects used in it, although nothing that has been seen before, were well done and well executed and really added to the film. The storyline was also quite cleve and made me want to see it again because I left feeling a little bit confused about what was actually going on and feeling that if I went to see it again I might pick up on plot points that I missed on the first watch.

Rock of Ages: Review

Rock of ages is about a small town girl who moves to Hollywood in order to pursue her dreams as a singer and the trials and tribulations she encounters on the way to fulfilling her dream.


I have been to see rock of ages twice at the cinema now and am planning on going to see it a third time for a few simple reasons. I am a massive fan of musicals and even more so when they have been adapted into a film version. I like to see actors who don't sing as their profession sing, and I like being surprised when they actually have decent voices, even though you think it would be funnier if they were shit. Ultimately, I am also a massive fan of cheese! This film was massively cheesy from start to finish with a few genuinely cringeworthy moments between some of the stellar cast members, paticuarly Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin. This movie also has a brilliant soundtrack that I have downloaded and listened to over and over again. It's brilliant because all the songs are upbeat, and the ballads are proper power ballads. For the last few days I have been posting them as my choices for anyone who follows me on this is my jam! The only thing that lets this film down slightly is the fact that it doesn't really feel like the storyline keeps up with the fast pace of the songs, and the producers have kind of forgotten about the storyline as they have a brilliant soundtrack, which I feel could have taken the film from good to amazing. I would still recommend for anyone to watch it though. 


Also after first watching the film I downloaded the soundtrack plus the Original Cast Recording of the soundtrack and had them both on repeat for countless days after my first viewing of the film as the songs are just that good. I have included links to the soundtrack for anyone who does feel like listening to the songs.

A Blog about music

I was planning on expanding my things I enjoy blog in order to give you and maybe myself a better insight into what I am into and what I can possibly make into a career. So the second thing I love is music. Music is really great because it is something that is really universal and everyone can find a type of music that they enjoy. I do believe that it isn’t often that you would come upon someone that would be like ‘nah music just isn’t my thing’.

Music is so important as it is multi-functional. Let’s face it, all films would be stuck without a soundtrack to rely on as the music that is used in a film is often just as important as the script; it sets out the scene that is coming up or can be used to create feelings ranging from fear to love.

I certainly listen to different types of music depending on the activity I am doing or the mood I’m in.  For example if I’m in the gym, particularly when I am running, I will listen to songs that have quite a fast pace to them and will keep me going throughout the run or when I was being bullied in school I would listen to Christina Aguilera’s ‘beautiful’ at least once or twice a day because it made me feel happier about myself, and music definitely has the power to do that.

Music can also be used to tell a story. This is why another thing I love is musicals. A whole story that is set to music and the countless exploration of the characters through the musical genre just makes me happy. If I could get around to seeing more of them I  would.

For some of my almost daily music choices you can follow me on thisismyjam.com